I want one so badly. If only that screen control was an iPad that could detach off the wall…

Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight novels have gotten plenty of flak for bad writing. However, nobody quite drives the point home like Reasoning With Vampires. RwV is not just a random funny rant about bad writing – RwV is a funny rant about bad writing with supporting evidence. As the author notes:

It’s too easy for Twilunatics to dismiss claims that Stephenie Meyer is a bad writer, because “you’re just jealous/dense/unromantic/uncool.” When I write that Stephenie Meyer is a bad writer, it’s not merely an opinion. I can prove it over, and over, and over, and over…

The site is full of win, and is well worth a few hours of your browsing time. My favourite so far: WTF? Faces, brought to you by Edward Cullen, pages 1-100 of Twilight.

Awesome!

(edit: forgot the title)

I haven’t followed Flight of the Conchords lately, but something else caught my ear while lurking around mefi: Fascinating Aida!

They’ve been around in some form or another since 1983 and I’d never heard of them before. But a few songs in and they’re my new favourite comedy music group. I leave you with a few juicy samples (some are NSFW).

Dogging: (look it up!)

It isn’t too late to be famous:

And the sweetest but grouchiest ballad ever:

There’s plenty more on Youtube. Go!

This just in from Heinola, Finland (via The Sun):

A RUSSIAN finalist in Finland’s annual World Sauna Championships died yesterday after he and his opponent were rushed to the hospital, organizers of heat-endurance contest said.

It was reported that both men were subject to sitting in heat of 230F (110C), and the contest was called off after six minutes, when both contestants collapsed after the sauna door was opened.

I’d like to sympathize with the families of both men, but if you’re telling me that they chose to sit and cook themselves above the temperature of boiling water, I’ll reserve my condolences for deaths (and empathy for injuries) for other people.

Come on! What were they thinking as they took in the flavor of their own juices in the sweltering heat?

And the organizer had the cheek to utter the following:

“[The] event was interrupted immediately after the accident. [The] competition organization grieves these sad events,” [Head of the competition Ossi] Arvela said.

Police launched an investigation, he said, insisting that “all the rules were followed” and that all the contestants had undergone medical checks before the competition began.

The competition itself is an accident waiting to happen for crying out loud! And there are rules for cooking human sausages?

Such a waste of human life.

Idiots!

Like the thousand upon thousands of Aya Hirano otaku who went through a seizure after the receding hairline bobblehead anime seiyuu revealed everything about her personal life to the public, thousand and thousands of Emma Watson fanboys are probably going through a cardiac arrest after this happened.

Yes, the actress who plays Hermione Granger in the uber-popular Harry Potter series of movies has shed her long locks for a more “Winona-in-the-90s” do, saying on her Facebook page:

“Dear all. Cut my hair off a few days ago… Feels incredible. I love it. I’ve wanted to do this for years and years; it’s the most liberating thing ever. Hope you like. Big love from Emma x”

But do not fret, fanboys of the lovely Miss Watson, you can still catch her in her full silky glory in the upcoming Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, which opens in theaters in November. Who know, she might have grown a short bob by then! =D

(For the record, I think her new hair-do is fabulous.)

The end is probably nigh when the Americans military resorts to using moe manga to celebrate the 50th anniversary of The U.S.-Japan alliance, an agreement that has cost the Japanese plenty of taxpayers’ money, as well as the use of places such as Okinawa as US military bases.

The comic depicts a small American boy by the name of “Usa-kun” (-_-”’) beginning his stay with a normal Japanese household, protecting the family from pests such as cockroaches, while later explaining the details and the need for the alliance.

I have to agree with the writers over at Sankaku Complex that the comic does not include some of the problems of the agreement as mentioned near the end of their article:

Unsurprisingly, the manga glosses over all the schoolgirl rape and vast sprawling Okinawan bases which are the most immediate cause of friction over the alliance, although this would likely require several volumes of ero-manga to do justice to.

Those well-versed in the Japanese language and are interested in reading the “brochure”, the manga has been published online for free.

UPDATE: On the bright side, I’m thankful that they produced a moé manga and not this guy’s life story.

For the past couple of weeks people around me have been asking whether the iPhone 4 has reception issues. Like I said in an earlier post, the answer is “Yes, but it’s not an issue with a case or when you have full reception to begin with.” With the iPhone 4 launch in Singapore just around the corner (confirmed for Friday, 30 July 2010) and all 3 telcos releasing their pricing plans, I thought I’d address the antenna issue (very) briefly with a video of my own. The guys over at CNET Asia put up a short video a while back demonstrating the Grip of Death in Singapore, indoors, with a StarHub SIM card. I’m on SingTel so for those of you planning to go with SingTel, here’s how my left hand kills the iPhone 4′s reception:

We’ve talked about this in the strip before. Bottom line: Apple dropped the ball with the design on this one, and it would be nice if they would admit it, but I’ll be happy with a free case when I (hopefully) pick up my SingTel set later this week. Let’s hope the rumour mill is true and Apple is going to coat the white iPhone 4 with some nice, thin and transparent non-conductive material.

The Copyright Office of the United States just allowed iPhone jailbreaking! Quoting from the Electronic Frontier Foundation’s press release (link):

In its reasoning in favor of EFF’s jailbreaking exemption, the Copyright Office rejected Apple’s claim that copyright law prevents people from installing unapproved programs on iPhones: “When one jailbreaks a smartphone in order to make the operating system on that phone interoperable with an independently created application that has not been approved by the maker of the smartphone or the maker of its operating system, the modifications that are made purely for the purpose of such interoperability are fair uses.”

Hell yeah! Common sense: 1. Apple: 0.

To be clear, this doesn’t let you infringe copyright outright – as far as I can tell it is just a DMCA exception. Saurik just demonstrated cydia running on the iPhone 4 (link) – I can’t wait.

A great piece of news while I try to resume watching football without imagining a beehive in the vicinity: Tottenham Hotspur have become the first English Premier League team to ban the Vuvuzela on their home turf, White Hart Lane.

“Following discussions with the Police and representatives from the local licensing authorities, the club will not be permitting vuvuzelas or similar instruments into White Hart Lane on match days,” a statement from www.tottenhamhotspur.com read.

“We are concerned that the presence of the instruments within the stadium pose unnecessary risks to public safety and could impact on the ability of all supporters to hear any emergency safety announcements.

“We are very proud of the fantastic atmosphere that our supporters produce organically at White Hart Lane and we are all very much looking forward to this continuing into the forthcoming season.”

North London rivals Arsenal have, logically, followed suit, as have Liverpool, Birmingham, West Ham and Sunderland.

I can say that I’m ecstatic with the ban, after suffering a whole month of that cacophony during “the world’s biggest stage”. See, I’m not such a big fan of international football (crappy football with players having not trained together for a long time, coupled with fatigue from the regular soccer season and other commitments), but the wretched plastic horn has made viewing intolerable altogether.

So, I beseech all other football clubs to do the same, ban the vuvuzela! Ban the vuvuzelots while you’re at it!

UPDATE: Blackpool have encouraged fans to bring their best blow to Bloomfield Road. Ugh.

Sports fanaticism knows no bounds. We’ve had the Church of Maradona, the God of Shaq in Beijing (next to his Great Wall of Bricks =D), and even a sandwich named after LeBron before he spurned the Big Apple for South Beach.

Now a publisher is going to capitalize on that and make money from the blood of Sachin Tendulkar.

Yeah you heard me right, the blood of Sachin Tendulkar.

For those not well-versed in all thing cricket, Tendulkar is the god of cricket in India. No, I’m not exaggerating. Ask any Indian cricket fan and they’ll tell you that affectionately nicknamed “Little Master” is the freakin’ patron saint of the sport in the Sub-continent, even though his ability between the stumps is vastly deteriorating.

So how are his autobiographers going to do this?

Here’s how (from espnstar.com):

“The signature page will be mixed with Sachin’s blood — mixed into the paper pulp so it’s a red resin. It is what it is — you will have Sachin’s blood on the page,” publisher Kraken Media’s chief executive Karl Fowler was quoted as saying in ‘The Guardian’.

“It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, it’s not to everyone’s taste and some may think it’s a bit weird. But the key thing here is that Sachin Tendulkar to millions of people is a religious icon. And we thought how, in a publishing form, can you get as close to your God as possible?” said Fowler.

“We’re publishing next February, in time for the cricket World Cup, which is being held in India. It’s perfect timing.

He’s never done an autobiography before and has a great story to tell.”

There will be only ten such books published, and each of the 825-page whoppers will be edged in gold leaf. Each blood-stained Sachin souvenir will weigh a massive 37kg and will cost in the region of US$75,000.

That’s not all, Tendulkar has also been asked for a sample of his saliva which would be used to create his DNA profile and would be printed on a two-metre gatefold in the book.

So, if you have a few bob to spare, and would like a bloody book as well as the genetic secrets of one the best batsmen alive, this is for you. =)

<From Game on ESPN STAR Sports>

’nuff said.

I had to do a double take when I saw this on Sankaku Complex (NSFW).

Whoa ho ho.

Hayao Miyazaki, Studio Ghibli founder and a filmmaker famous for his works such as Princess Mononoke and Spirited Away, let fly a steaming one when he caught an interviewer maximizing the use of the iPad with his digits (not Miyazaki’s, of course), saying:

“That thing that looks like a gaming device in your hand, along with that strange stroking movement you make with your hands is by no means attractive to me, nor am I at all impressed by it. I feel a sense of revulsion for it, in fact.

I’m sure in short time there will be an increase in people on trains making those strange masturbatory strokes. It was the same when everyone started reading manga on trains, and when it became cellphones – I’m fed up with it.”

So it seems that the great director is not a big fan of portable gadgets, but I would like to ask Miyazaki: When was the last time you took the subway?

The “iWhatevers” (and any similar product, including Ray’s new iPhone 4 =D) are most probably the only source of comfort in an individual’s commute to work/school on a packed, uncomfortable and sometimes smelly vehicle. Personal space is at a premium in this high-speed twilight zone and anything that can get me not thinking about the hairs of some lady’s armpits is greatly welcomed!

To be fair to Miyazaki, he does end the interview on Neppu, an in-house Ghibli rag, on a positive note, saying:

“You must not becomes a consumer. You must become someone that creates.”

But I’m happy rotting my brains in front of my portable telly, dad!

Meanwhile, it’s safe to say that iPads and their portable brethren will not be welcomed in the holy of holies of Ghibli lore.

If you’re well-versed in the Japanese language, here is the original source.